Akatsuki Game Night
by Plywood-Monster
Summary: What happens when you gather a group of S rank criminals for a fun-loving board game? Explosions!, Death Threats!, and Wood Chippers?. Yeah the usual.
1. Game Night:Kakuzu's Choice

Plywood presents Game Night {chap. 1(enjoy)}  
This is my first post on fanfiction so go easy on me

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Naruto :,(

"So tonight's game night?" Tobi inquired eagerly as he took a seat next to Deidara along with the other Akatsuki members around a dingy coffee table. His body wriggled with excitement as he marveled about what would be in store for him tonight.

For he was new to the organization and was still adjusting to the scheduled events and rituals that regularly took place at the Akatsuki headquarters. And tonight just happened to be Game Night! _'I wonder what game we're going to play.' _He thought with a giddy grin on his masked face '_Ohh I hope its something fun like- '_

He was immediately pulled from his joyous thoughts by a 'not too surprisingly' annoyed Hidan. "For the love of Jashin, Tobi! How many fucking times are you gonna ask that damn question?

"I'm sorry Hidan-san, I just can't contain myself, for I still don't know what kind of game we're gonna play he confessed sheepishly looking toward the other members for any form of answer.

When none responded Zetsu's white side sighed in defeat, feeling that it was up to him to explain. "Well you see Tobi", he started "Every week or so those of us who aren't on missions participate in a friendly, non violence game"

"_**Even though they usually do end in some form of violence" **_his black side scoffed.

"True," but Leader-sama says its suppose to releave some stress, something abo-"

"**Relive stress**_?, _more like pack it on" Kisame interrupted, slightly amused at Zetsu's explanation.

Zetsu ignored the all to true comment and continued. "To keep things fair we alternate turns on who gets to pick the game, for example last week was Itachi's turn… he chose the umm quite game"

"Which was dreadfully boring if I might add, un!" Deidara droned, thinking back to the traumatizing hours of complete silence.

Zetsu released a sigh in irritation as a prominate vein started to throb in his plant-like headgear. "Well yes anyways, as many of you know tonight is Kakazu's turn" he paused momentarily (if only to avoid being interrupted yet again) as everyone including his black half groaned in agony.

Scratching his head in confusion Tobi looked around at all of the griping men, clearly unaware of the cause of their disturbed reactions. "Oh come on guys it can't be that bad" Tobi chimed in, putting aside their sour moods, "I'm sure Kakazu-san will choose something that will be fun for everyone, like hide-and-go-seek or laser tag!"

"Fun?" Hidan grumbled "The weirdo picks the same shitty game every time, which is about as fun as a fucking heart attack, seriously. Then his face changed from mocking to thoughtful. "However, I do like the idea of those other games Swirl Face mentioned, but instead of laser tag we could play _**kunai**_ tag and we could replace the _**seek **_in that other game with _**kill, **_you know to make things more… interesting." Tobi nodded his head eagerly in agreement while the others shook theirs in indifference.

"But", Tobi continued with his head cocked slightly to the side. "I still don't see how Kakazu-san's game could be that bad, I mean its a game right? And aren't games suppose to be fun?" The others stared at him blankly. "Right?" he pressed desperately.

"Speak for yourself" Kisame grumbled gruffly, boredom written clearly on his shark-like face.

"Yea think again, un" Deidara muttered in a hushed tone before pointing at something behind Tobi.

Tobi whipped around swiftly just as a white box fell before him, hitting the coffee table with a dull thud. He heard yet another sigh of despair before finally looking down. When the identity of the object registered in his head a small gasp emitted from his lips. Upon reaching to open the game box his hands suddenly froze, hovering over it in shock.

The others watched in slight curiosity as Tobi began to shake in a steady tremor and a unsettling squeal escaped from be hind his mask. An eerie squeal that sounded far to close to a certain farm animal for comfort.

"I think he's gonna explode!" Kisame snickered, playfully nudging Deidara in the side. But his toothy grin quickly faded and his mood turned serious as he and everyone else eyed Deidara in suspicion. All except Hidan that is, who could hardly contain his excitement.

"Way to go Blondie! I mean I new you had it in ya but I didn't know you had the balls to wack em' this early in game!"

"Wha-? No you got it all wrong!" Deidara opposed franticly waving his hands in the air.

"Oh don't deny it now" Hidan continued "once that fag of a leader finds out your ass is gonna be fucked for sure!"

With his eyes squeezed shut, Deidara fought desperately to find his happy place. But all he could in vision was his "fucked up ass", a babbling Hidan, and a crispy pile of smoldering Tobi parts. (the last one being a pretty familiar thought that seemed to develop in his head from time to time) But it wasn't so comforting now.

They were all brought back to the initial problem when Tobi started to show signs of life. The eerie noises stopped and his hands finally settled on the top in an attempt to open it. Deidara sniveled, Hidan prayed, Kisame groaned, Zetsu sighed, and Itachi twitched just at the top was snatched of and shoved in Deidara's outstretched hands. He looked down and read the hauntingly familiar label. "MONOPOLY"

[Ha ha it took the whole chapter for me to revile the identity of the game!]  
Sorry it was so short, just kinda testing the waters i guess

Go to the next chapter to find out what's so dreadful about it, when I post it that is (please) ^-^]

Thanks for reading & please review: Plywood out!


	2. Game Night:Following Orders

Chapter 2! Yay I'm so proud of myself! *hugs self*

( Much thanks to Blondest Blond of Them All for my first review!)

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Naruto :,( (or Monopoly)

"All right, enough nonsense" Kakazu finally spoke, deciding that his game has been delayed for far too long. "Hidan you get the board, Kisame gather the cards, Itachi lay out the pawns, an- Deidara! Get your slobbery mitts off of my top!" Sad to say none dared to object to Kakazu's orders, mostly because of fear. Fear of the consequences.

Last time they were forced to play 3 excruciating rounds because of Hidan's uncontrollable urge to tell Kakazu off. And just to make sure that he was understood he took the box (with all of its contents) and ran it through a wood chipper. Once Leader heard of his act of vandalism Hidan was forced to buy three new Monopoly sets; the first to replace the destroyed one, the second for when he destroyed the replacement and the third one just because. For that reason none took the risk of repeating Hidan's mistake

"I'll be banker Kakazu proclaimed firmly as he began to place the colorful bills in their correct slots. Tobi looked around in slight confusion because at the same time as those words were declared everyone mouthed them in slight mockery, almost like it was routine. That's because it was. Kakazu was always the Banker, **_ALWAYS_, **and anyone who dared to ask for such a title was immediately rejected and ridiculed, something about being oblivious to the significant value of financial matters.

Once everything was in order Kakazu continued his instructions "Okay everybody choose your pawns so we can get started" His voice was gruff, yet there was a vague air of enthusiasm.

Looking down at the glinting silver pieces Tobi mulled over the possible choices. There was a cute little top hat, a sporty racecar, a tiny little man on a tiny little horse, an adorable Scottie dog, a sack of money, an old fashioned iron, a battle ship, a-... Well there was a battle ship until it was seized by Kisame's blue fingers.

With an audible sigh the others followed. Hidan grabbed the racecar, Zetsu grabbed the wheel barrow, Itachi picked the iron, and Deidara grabbed the Scottie dog.

Seeing that Kakazu was busy counting his money (for the fifth time) Tobi took it that it was his turn. And with great consideration, contemplation, deliberation (and other big words that end in -ation) Tobi's gloved fingers connected with the miniature sack of money. He marveled at its beauty and secretly wondered if it held magical powers.

Oblivious to the alarmed looks that he was currently receiving Tobi happily traced over the delicate dollar sign. That is until a rusty kunai whizzed past his face, ever so slightly grazing his orange mask.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Kakuzu spat venomously. His piercing green eyes narrowed dangerously as his hand reached for another kunai.

"Is something wrong, Kakuzu Banker-san" Tobi asked innocently, unmindful to the fact that his head was just strands away from being impaled.

"No shit" Hidan whispered in amusement as he observed the deadly situation from across the table.

"Why do you continue to overlook the obvious!" Kakuzu continued as his dark skin quickly beginning to take on an unhealthy shade of red. "I think that you as well as everyone else should know that the sack of money belongs to ME!"

"B-but" Tobi interjected hesitantly, clutching the shiny trinket as if it was life itself.

"No buts!" Kakuzu yelled back causing Kisame and Deidara to snicker childishly. And with that he snatched the silver pawn and went back to counting his money.

With a depressed sigh Tobi opted for the miniature top hat. [Awww poor Tobi T-T]

"Well now that that's taken care of, let's get started" Kakuzu stated in a somewhat happy tone.

"Great" Itachi muttered under his breath.

"Woo hoo" Deidara griped with false enthusiasm.

Woo hoo"!" Tobi repeated with real enthusiasm, having long forgot the previous incident.

[OK that chapter was kinda short (sorry ^_^') I'll be sure to update soon! Plywood out!]

This is the exact same chapter just a couple 200 words added at the end because I couldnt stand how short this chapter looked.  
& I finally started working on the next chapter so be looking for that pretty soon. [plywood out!... again]


	3. Game Night: Game play & Fish Sticks

[Okay Chapter 3! Finally.]

[I know it took me like forever to get this chapter out, this summer has just been kinda hectic & and if you didn't know I added like 200+ words to Game Night chp. 2]

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Naruto :,(

{Order of turns go as followed; Kakazu (big surprise), Kisame, Tobi, Deidara, Hidan, Itachi, and Zetsu}

The first ten minutes of the game was nothing short of a miracle. For the first time the seven of them had managed to play the hated game without incident, aside from Hidan's spontaneous wails of profanity, Kakuzu's degrading comments, and somewhat vulgar hand gestures from Kisame. Yup, everything was smooth sailing.

"Son of a Bitch!" Hidan wailed spontaneously.

"You're ignorant to the principles of money" Kakuzu mumbled degradingly. All while Kisame nonchalantly scratched his nose with his middle finger.

But so far none had been incinerated, suffocated, decapitated, or sexually harassed …..yet. This was saying a lot, because that's what these guys did best.

With a depressed sigh Hidan rolled the dice. He'd much rather be worshiping his beloved Jashin-sama, a few human sacrifices and a couple of puncture wounds to the gallbladder should put him at ease. He rolled a 7. [PM- just because that's my favorite number] And with another depressed sigh he slowly slid the tiny car across the board, ignoring the "_vroom vroom" _noises coming from the overly excited Tobi. The masked man received even more questionable looks as he made screeching sounds when Hidan finally stopped on the Atlantic Avenue.

"Looks like somebody could use a tune-up" Deidara whispered loud enough for everyone to hear, defeating the purpose of even whispering in the first place. Hidan folded his arms in a child-like manner desperately resisting the urge to knock the blond bimbo in to next week.

When Hidan made no notable intentions of buying the property all Kakuzu could do was stare at him. Hidan stared back. They staled like that for about fifteen seconds, until Hidan finally snapped. "What the hell are you staring at!" the Jashinist exploded angrily, unleashing an unappetizing spray of saliva.

Kakuzu only sighed at his teammate's idiocy as he calmly wiped away Hidan's mouth excretions. "You know Hidan this game would be a lot more interesting if you took the time to buy some property, I mean you clearly have enough to invest in-" By the next word Hidan had already began to tune out Kakuzu's lecture. He looked at his unruly pile of fake bills. It was clear that he had enough "money" to make said purchases and then some, but why make the effort if he didn't give a rat's ass about this game and its stupid outcome. Hidan looked back up at Kakuzu, who was still carrying on, or so he thought.

"Are you even listening to me!" Kakuzu snapped feeling rather peeved about being ignored. _'Join the club.' _Zetsu thought blandly as if he had crazy mind reading powers, but he doesn't so whatever.

"Honestly," Hidan started, "I don't really give a fu-"

"Well you know Kakazu-san" Zetsu interrupted hurriedly, finally taking a break from mind reading, and deciding that the rest of Hidan's comment would be better left unsaid. "The game would also be a lot more interesting if you didn't buy everything."

Kakuzu looked down at the board, realizing that Zetsu was right. He already owned five properties with at least two houses and/or hotels on each, two train stations, and all of the utilities except "Water Works" which was not to surprisingly owned by Kisame. All of this being slightly unrealistic, having said that the game only started ten minutes ago.

"So?" Kakuzu responded impassively with about as much sympathy as a park bench. Zetsu looked away in defeat. "Besides" Kakuzu continued "It's not my fault the all six of you lack greatly in money management skills."

"Ohhh Ohhh! Kakuzu-San If it would make you happy I'd like to but the Kentucky Avenue!" Tobi expressed gladly, presenting his colorful bills to Kakuzu.

"Tobi for the hundred time you don't have enough money to buy _**anything!" **_Kakuzu exclaimed harshly.

"Oh."Said Tobi, who's mood quickly saddened but soon brightened up just as quickly as it had changed.

"Well, what about a house?"

"No"

"Or a hote-"

"Tobi don't you get it? You don't have enough money to buy a card board box! Let alone a hotel!" After these words Tobi fought back threatening tears, he had clearly not yet become immune to the cruelty that is Kakuzu. "Besides, It's not even your turn, its Itachi's" Kakuzu pointed out before looking over his unhealthy abundance of Property Cards.

With a stoic expression Itachi, not really caring who's turn it was Itachi rolled the dice. And for the fifth time he was forced to chose a chance/ community chest card. He had already "inherited" $100 which was strange because he _**had **_no family, received an income tax refund of 20 bucks, earning him a few death glares from Kakazu. And he even won $10 for second place in a beauty contest. Which was clearly unrealistic because he was obviously the most beautiful maiden…. err man in all the lands. But for some odd reason the little yellow card was nowhere close to beneficial.

"Well, Itachi-san what does it say?" Tobi asked after he did not react. When he still didn't receive an answer he leaned forward to get a peak over his shoulder, which was kind of difficult with him being on the other side of the table. "Liaj…ot..og" Tobi read with upmost difficulty, unaware of the fact that he was reading the card upside down. "Way to go Itachi-san! You got the liaj _ot og card_! I think that means you get a million dollars! Right Kakuzu-san? Becau-"

"It says _Go to jail_ you BAKA!" Deidara yelled in frustration, if only to put an end to Tobi's idiotic rambling.

Kisame chuckled at his partner's misfortune and even though Itachi's expression remained calm and composure he could tell that the Sharingan user was somewhat troubled on the inside.

{\/}—Inside Itachi's mind!—{\/}

'_W-what the Hell! Is this some kind of joke?'_ Itachi sputtered uncharacteristically, but it didn't really matter because this was in his mind. '_I ruthlessly murdered my entire family and received nothing remotely close to a consequence'_ (aside from a guilty conscience and a emotionally distraught little brother) Zetsu snickered at Itachi's secret misery,… because you know… he could read minds and stuff.

{\/} Ok enough with that nonsense {\/}

But because he had to remain in character Itachi calmly moved his pawn to the tiny _go to jail_ section of the game board.

"You know Itachi," Kakuzu finally spoke after paying off another mortgage. "I'd be glad to offer you this nifty little_ get out of jail free card." _He held the card up for all to see, its sacred glow filling the room.

"Just put it away, it burns!" Kisame groaned, feeling rather uneasy about the pungent smell of fish sticks already beginning to emit from under his cloak.

"Whoa!" Tobi marveled shielding his….mask?

"Yea, how long have you had that?" Deidara asked through squinted eyes. Vaguely wondering why something beside him smelled like burnt tilapia.

"It was my first card." He answered gruffly after putting the gleaming card away, deciding that the Akatsuki didn't need anymore blind ninjas.

"Damn-it Kakuzu! If you had it for that fucking long why the hell didn't you offer it to me when I went to jail for the first time?"Hidan questioned in rage.

Kakuzu paused to mull over Hidan's question as he exchanged the card for a whopping four thousand dollars. "I guess I forgot" He finally answered, clearly content his the trade.

"Forgot my ass!" Hidan shrieked, clearly outraged "I'll bash your freaking skull in! Let's see how much you remember after that!"

Hidan soon regretted those words after picking up anther _go to jail card _and took to sulking as Kakuzu openly taunted him with another suspiciously obtained_ get out of jail free card. _Let's just say that a "fair trade" of $10,000 was entirely out of his reach.[Aww poor Hidan lol]

[Okay im kind of content with this story's progress, I think one more chapter should do it Plywood out!]

{Ps: school starts in 2 more days!}


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